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Gemini Bites by Patrick Ryan

The guy who recommended this book to me pitched it as the anti-Twilight, so instead of doing a regular review, I’m going to talk about all the ways in which Gemini Bites is different from SMeyer’s vampire series.

The Protagonists

Twilight: Bella Swan, a klutzy teenage girl. And apparently the hottest person in Forks who isn’t a vampire.

Gemini Bites: Kyle Renneker, a gay sixteen year-old who worships Bob Dylan and has a tendency to over-exaggerate.

Judy, Kyle’s twin sister who has a mean streak and is faking being born-again to land a boyfriend who heads his own bible study.

The Vampire

Twilight: Edward Cullen, a sullen and (in my opinion) creepy Vampmeyer who stalks Bella and watches her while she sleeps.

Gemini Bites: Garret Johnson, a goth kid in Kyle and Judy’s grade who’s living with them for a month. No one believes him when he claims to be a vampire (well, except for the character Coover, but he’s crazy and spends the book trying to kill Garret). Sexuality unknown.

Where Twilight spends its pages talking about love and grand gestures of affection, and breaking into your girlfriend’s house to watch her sleep, Gemini Bites is all about lust. Kyle and Judy aren’t in love with Garret; they’re in lust with him. He’s cute and mysterious and living in their attic/game room, and they both want him.And Gemini Bites is funny; watching Judy stumble through bible study was goddamn hilarious, and had me chuckling as I watched her try and fudge her way through a conversation about Job (which I keep pronouncing as “jobe” because I’ve watched too much Arrested Development, even though it’s not spelled with a ‘G’).

Gemini Bites is not the next great love story, and it doesn’t try to be. Its characters are well-rounded and relatable, its storyline is realistic and down-to-earth, and I liked it. A lot.

-Allyx